The Scary Movie Teaser Is About As Funny As Childhood Cancer

Everything old is… still old, really, as Scary Movie returns to our screens.

The irresistible power of nostalgia is well-established, so we shouldn’t be surprised that Scary Movie is back on our cultural radar. What is surprising is how lame the whole exercise looks, with the object apparently being to “cancel the cancel culture”, whatever the hell that means. But man, if your opening gambit is a pronoun gag, you might wanna see if Second City offers remedial comedy classes or something.

Righto, let’s take a look.

Scary Movie Teaser

What’s the plot?

Okay, here we go…

Twenty-six years after outrunning a suspiciously familiar masked killer (“Ghostface”), the Core Four are back in the killer’s crosshairs and no horror movie IP is safe. Marlon Wayans (“Shorty”), Shawn Wayans (“Ray”), Anna Faris (“Cindy”), and Regina Hall (“Brenda”) reunite in Scary Movie alongside returning favorites and fresh faces to slash through reboots, remakes, requels, prequels, sequels, spin-offs, elevated horror, origin stories, anything with the word legacy in it, and every “final chapter” that absolutely isn’t final. Nothing is sacred. No trope survives. ​Every line gets crossed. The Wayans are back to cancel the Cancel Culture.

Yeah, really got your finger on the pulse there, lads.

Who’s in it?

• Marlon Wayans as Shorty Meeks, Brenda’s stoner brother and the survivor of the murder spree from Scary Movie.
• Shawn Wayans as Ray Wilkins.
• Anna Faris as Cindy Campbell, another Scary Movie survivor.
• Regina Hall as Brenda Meeks, Cindy’s best friend and Shorty’s sister.
• Damon Wayans Jr.
• Gregg Wayans.
• Kim Wayans.
• Benny Zielke.
• Cameron Scott Roberts as Jack.
• Cheri Oteri as Gail Hailstorm, a reporter.
• Chris Elliott as Hanson.
• Dave Sheridan as Doofy Gilmore, Buffy Gilmore’s young brother and a deputy who was revealed to be Ghostface.
• Heidi Gardner.
• Lochlyn Munro as Greg Phillippe.
• Olivia Rose Keegan as Sara Campbell, Cindy’s estranged daughter.
• Ruby Snowber.
• Savannah Lee Nassif as Tuesday.
• Sydney Park.
• Kai Cenat.

When’s it out?

Scary Movie opens on June 11.

What’s the vibe?

Dogshit. The vibe is absolute dogshit.