With Glastonbury just around the corner, the annual secret set bingo is well and truly under way—and this year, the odds are more chaotic than ever.
Bookies have suspended bets on two major names for a mysterious Saturday night slot on the Pyramid Stage, and the rumour mill is on fire.
The biggest red flag? A band called “Patchwork” is locked in for the Pyramid Stage, sandwiched suspiciously between a load of real artists. That’s either the most clumsy codename in history, or the worst-named band since Hoobastank. The two frontrunners to step into the spotlight are currently: Pulp and Lorde.
Pulp are the obvious bet though. Fresh off a reunion tour, riding the wave of their first new album in over two decades, and with a long-standing Glasto legacy (last-minute 2011 set included). Odds have been slashed to 1/2, and you can’t scroll X without bumping into a Jarvis clip.
Then again, Lorde’s been teasing new material, openly name-dropping Glasto in recent interviews, and could easily pull the kind of left field set that blows the roof off Worthy Farm.
But that’s just one slot. HAIM are sitting pretty at 4/9 to play The Park Stage on Saturday, and all signs are pointing to them being that TBA listing between Gary Numan and Beth Gibbons. They’ve got a new record out this Friday, they’re already in the country for a Margate show, and they’re still riding high from previous Glasto sets that basically felt like religious experiences.
Elsewhere, Ed Sheeran is apparently 66% likely to pop back for his first Glasto set since headlining in 2017 (please, no loop pedal this time), and there’s chatter about Mumford & Sons, Lewis Capaldi, and even Radiohead—though that last one feels more like wishful thinking than actual intel.
If there’s one thing Glastonbury does better than anyone else, it’s controlled chaos. Don’t trust the bookies. Don’t trust the running order. Just follow the noise—and maybe, just maybe, you’ll end up singing “Disco 2000” under a Somerset sunset. Or watching HAIM blow the roof off The Park Stage again. Either way, it’s going to be magic.
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