Former Smashing Pumpkins bassist Melissa Auf der Maur has opened up about her complicated history with Billy Corgan, admitting she misjudged the frontman during her time in the band.
Speaking on ‘The Magnificent Others with Billy Corgan’, Auf der Maur revisited the mindset she was in toward the end of her run with the Smashing Pumpkins, describing a period shaped heavily by distrust and personal trauma (per Alternative Nation).
“I think it’s because at that point — and we nailed it earlier — I didn’t trust anybody. I was traumatized,” she said. “I was traumatized by all of the things that happened. I didn’t trust you anymore. And I didn’t trust you.”
At the time, she felt isolated within the music industry, believing her worth was tied purely to what she could offer others rather than her own wellbeing:
“I think in my mind, there was this feeling of, ‘They only want me for the value that I can offer them and their world. They don’t want me for what’s good for me,’” she continued. “I really felt like no one was looking out for me. I mean, if you see the world of the brutal, brutal music industry that it was, why should I trust anyone? I really felt like my value was only worth what it brought to you.”
Time changes the perspective
Years removed from that chapter, Auf der Maur says her view of both Billy Corgan and Courtney Love has shifted significantly, revealing that she and Love have since rebuilt their relationship, noting that forgiveness came with time and perspective.
According to Auf der Maur, the personal struggles surrounding that era played a major role in how things unfolded, despite the tension that once defined those relationships, she now sees a shared commitment that ran deeper than the conflict.
“But I now know — especially because of the testament to time, in the same way that Courtney and I are so close now and she really did forgive me for leaving the band — she had other stuff to do and she had to self-destruct after that,” she said. “But both of you, and me towards you, we really deeply care about our sole purpose in this lifetime of ours.”
Finding closure
Looking back, Auf der Maur also expressed appreciation for how Corgan handled her departure from the band.
“I now know very much so that you were looking out for me as this young girl with some metaphysical crazy fantasy that I needed to live out,” she said. “You did not hound me to stay, and I’m pretty grateful for that, too.”
For fans who watched those relationships fracture in real time, it’s a rare moment of reflection that feels less like a reopening of old wounds and more like something finally settling.
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