Aussie punk wrecking crew Private Function have released a “scratch and sniff” vinyl that smells like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina. Yes, really.
The limited-run vinyl—tied to their new album ‘¯\_(ツ)_/¯’—comes scented like the now-notorious $75 candle Goop launched back in 2020, cheekily titled This Smells Like My Vagina.
According to PF guitarist Lauren Hester, the band tried to get their hands on the original candle but were priced out after it sold out and started flipping for upwards of $700. “Not owning one is a source of shame in every member of PF’s household,” she joked. So naturally, they did what any self-respecting punk band would: recreated the scent and slapped it on a slab of wax.
Dubbed the “Goopy” edition, the record features a scent blend that includes Geranium, Bergamot, Cedar, Damask Rose, and Ambrette Seed—all sourced with the help of a French perfumer. Private Function say it’s about access. “Not being able to smell it? That’s classist,” Hester said. “Everyone deserves to sniff the rich.”
The band worked with a record plant to infuse the aroma into the actual vinyl, priced at a meaty $150 AUD. It’s now sold out on their site, but PF has stashed one copy per night for their current Australian tour. Fans who pre-order a ticket get a raffle entry to win the elusive Goopy LP at each show.
Private Function, never ones to play it safe, have a history of flipping the bird to good taste. Their previous album covers include a whale-giving-head optical illusion folded out of Aussie currency. Because of course they did.
While Goop and Gwyneth have copped flak for the original candle, Paltrow’s since doubled down, telling critics to “go fuck yourself.” Seems Private Function are taking that energy and running with it.
Crass? Yep. Clever? Also yep. And most importantly—it smells like punk spirit, with a touch of rose and cedar.
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